I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
