I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
