this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is wine microwaveable?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
