There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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