Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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