Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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