New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
