Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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