Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
