If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
