I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
