You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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