I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
