Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
