Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
