connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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