I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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