My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
