2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
