Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
