I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
