Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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