Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
