so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
