I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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