Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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