I've blown a few things in my day
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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