I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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