I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
