Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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