She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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