you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
