He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
