I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
