you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
