Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
