my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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