She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
