Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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