This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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