i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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