i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
