My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
