Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mom said you looked used
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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