To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
