Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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