READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
