Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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