Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell like Dick and happiness
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
