I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Panties = found
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
