i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
