white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
