you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
