Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
so much tequila, so little girl.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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