great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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