cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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