If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
