And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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