Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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