I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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