Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
