youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
