I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
