bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
