I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
