by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
