just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
