is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
