sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
