Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
