I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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