did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
