I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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