My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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