yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
