How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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