You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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