White coat. Heels.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
