which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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