Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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