It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
