its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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