i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
