If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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