If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
