I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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