I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
